Health Warning

WRITER’S SYNDROME is a dangerous and addicting condition that, if unchecked, can take over your life. It has led many once-healthy people into a land of dreams, imaginary people, and very few real people. The symptoms include:

  • Vomiting – specifically, word vomiting; usually on paper or a computer screen; also occurs verbally whenever one is asked about their latest work-in-progress
  • Obsessing – an inability to think about anything other than the work-in-progress, scenes, characters, plot twists, etc.
  • Anti-Social Behavior – when given the choice between writing alone or interacting with other people, one consistently chooses the former; after time, one becomes more familiar and comfortable with their characters (also known as imaginary friends) then with actual friends, family, spouse, etc.
  • Insomnia – inability to sleep due to obsessive thoughts or act of writing (see also Caffeine Dependence)
  • Racing thoughts – a sudden barrage of thoughts; described by those afflicted as “inspiration”
  • Hypochondria – belief that one is suffering from an illness known as “Writer’s Block”
  • Emotional Instability – sudden mood swings; from highs (one receives positive feedback, has a “good day” of writing, etc.) to lows (one cannot find the “right words”, receives negative feedback, gives harsh criticism to themselves)
  • Weight Gain or Loss – varies from person to person; when absorbed in the action of writing, some patients neglect to eat any food at all; others munch without cessation
  • Caffeine Dependence – initially to combat an attack of insomnia the night before; after time, compounds so one cannot function without their cup of coffee, soda, or tea
  • Uncontrollable rage – typically triggered by a harsh critique
  • Irritability – manifested in sharp words, angry glares, and bared teeth; usually triggered when one’s writing is interrupted by an outside factor (see also Anti-Social Behavior)
If you believe you or someone you love suffers from this condition, please seek help immediately.

6 thoughts on “Health Warning

  1. I get uncontrollably angry at night when, after my penultimate Diet Coke of the day, my thoughts race into the bathroom where I obsess about vomiting, alone. I’m fine with it, most of the time, but Socky and Choky get offended and leave. Do I qualify?

    1. I tried to think of what kind of help would cure this awful disease, but couldn’t come up with anything. It’s probably incurable.
      And thanks! It was fun to write. :)

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