Health Warning

WRITER’S SYNDROME is a dangerous and addicting condition that, if unchecked, can take over your life. It has led many once-healthy people into a land of dreams, imaginary people, and very few real people. The symptoms include:

• Vomiting – specifically, word vomiting; usually on paper or a computer screen; also occurs verbally whenever one is asked about their latest work-in-progress
• Obsessing – an inability to think about anything other than the work-in-progress, scenes, characters, plot twists, etc.
• Anti-Social Behavior – when given the choice between writing alone or interacting with other people, one consistently chooses the former; after time, one becomes more familiar and comfortable with their characters (also known as imaginary friends) then with actual friends, family, spouse, etc.
• Insomnia – inability to sleep due to obsessive thoughts or act of writing (see also Caffeine Dependence)
• Racing thoughts – a sudden barrage of thoughts; described by those afflicted as “inspiration”
• Hypochondria – belief that one is suffering from an illness known as “Writer’s Block”
• Emotional Instability – sudden mood swings; from highs (one receives positive feedback, has a “good day” of writing, etc.) to lows (one cannot find the “right words”, receives negative feedback, gives harsh criticism to themselves)
• Weight Gain or Loss – varies from person to person; when absorbed in the action of writing, some patients neglect to eat any food at all; others munch without cessation
• Caffeine Dependence – initially to combat an attack of insomnia the night before; after time, compounds so one cannot function without their cup of coffee, soda, or tea
• Uncontrollable rage – typically triggered by a harsh critique
• Irritability – manifested in sharp words, angry glares, and bared teeth; usually triggered when one’s writing is interrupted by an outside factor (see also Anti-Social Behavior)