WRITER’S SYNDROME is a dangerous and addicting condition that, if unchecked, can take over your life. It has led many once-healthy people into a land of dreams, imaginary people, and very few real people. The symptoms include:
- Vomiting – specifically, word vomiting; usually on paper or a computer screen; also occurs verbally whenever one is asked about their latest work-in-progress
- Obsessing – an inability to think about anything other than the work-in-progress, scenes, characters, plot twists, etc.
- Anti-Social Behavior – when given the choice between writing alone or interacting with other people, one consistently chooses the former; after time, one becomes more familiar and comfortable with their characters (also known as imaginary friends) then with actual friends, family, spouse, etc.
- Insomnia – inability to sleep due to obsessive thoughts or act of writing (see also Caffeine Dependence)
- Racing thoughts – a sudden barrage of thoughts; described by those afflicted as “inspiration”
- Hypochondria – belief that one is suffering from an illness known as “Writer’s Block”
- Emotional Instability – sudden mood swings; from highs (one receives positive feedback, has a “good day” of writing, etc.) to lows (one cannot find the “right words”, receives negative feedback, gives harsh criticism to themselves)
- Weight Gain or Loss – varies from person to person; when absorbed in the action of writing, some patients neglect to eat any food at all; others munch without cessation
- Caffeine Dependence – initially to combat an attack of insomnia the night before; after time, compounds so one cannot function without their cup of coffee, soda, or tea
- Uncontrollable rage – typically triggered by a harsh critique
- Irritability – manifested in sharp words, angry glares, and bared teeth; usually triggered when one’s writing is interrupted by an outside factor (see also Anti-Social Behavior)
If you believe you or someone you love suffers from this condition, please seek help immediately.
I get uncontrollably angry at night when, after my penultimate Diet Coke of the day, my thoughts race into the bathroom where I obsess about vomiting, alone. I’m fine with it, most of the time, but Socky and Choky get offended and leave. Do I qualify?
You bet! Although, it’s probably spelled “Chokey” if you think about the pronunciation.
I need to find a doctor, stat!
(Seriously, love this post so much.)
I tried to think of what kind of help would cure this awful disease, but couldn’t come up with anything. It’s probably incurable.
And thanks! It was fun to write. :)
I have caffeine dependence for sure. Probably won’t admit to the rest.
…I need this on a poster to stick on my office door ;)